That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
