Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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