you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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