Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
