I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
