i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
