I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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