i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
