I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
