Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
