so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
