Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
