Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
