We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
