I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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