Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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