I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
