You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
