I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how does that bad decision feel?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
