I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
