This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
