i need an iv and a liver transplant
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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