tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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