Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
