We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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