1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
