I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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