Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize