Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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