White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
