Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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