Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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