I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
