I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Your cock deserves a montage
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I could fuck to npr.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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