uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Randomize
