so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize