I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
