I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize