You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
