Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
