just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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