I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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