if only i could text you this smell
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
