oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
