I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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