So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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