see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize