I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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