so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
