god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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