im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
