So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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