Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
This toilet bowl is my home.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
