Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
