I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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