i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize