I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
