We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
