Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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