i think my mom watched the whole time
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
