I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
