We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
