I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
