My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
