just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
