Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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