I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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