you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
