I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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