Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
