cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
