how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
